For The Last Time

November 4th, 2006 by kiishyah

`For The Last Time..

     I saw you as you entered the restaurant. You went directly to a table with a reserved sign. I was waiting for a friend who was supposed to have a dinner with me. Obviously, she wasn’t in the establishment yet so there was no distraction (positive or negative) in watching you.

     You are still as you were –introspective. I can see that you are lost in your thoughts. I can read your expression – you are anxious. “Why?” I asked myself. You were obviously uneasy and a little tense. You keep looking at your watch, you are still not used in waiting. Your eyes are almost always on the door. I wonder who you were waiting for.

     Then she came in. The girl with bright eyes and a contagious smile. Your lips suddenly displayed a smile. Your eyes twinkled. Ah, you still have those qualities that I loved. You stood up and pulled her seat for her. Who said chivalry is dead?

     My gaze suddenly shifted to her. I saw that she equaled the excitement you exhibited. You said something that made her smile. In came your orders – you still love the same food. I looked at her again – she was chatting happily. You guys are really having a good time.

     God, where’s my friend? What’s taking her so long? I took out my phone and dialed her number. She wasn’t picking up. Maybe she’s driving.

     I continued watching you. Why do I feel a bit of sadness, a bit of jealousy and a lot of pain? I told myself that I’ll be ready for this, didn’t I? It’s been almost a year since we partied and I should be ready to see you. Now, why all these emotions?

     Suddenly, I saw her wiping her eyes. What did you just do? I looked at you. You were smiling. Your eyes are fixed on her. My gaze moved down and then I saw it – the little box you hold in your hands. She was crying tears of joy after all. She leaned over to give you a kiss, you gave her a hug. What a scene – what a sweet scene.

     I’m not too ready for this. I feel warm liquid on my cheeks. I can’t stand this. How can you find a replacement so easily? I have yet to get over you and here you are getting engaged!

     I can’t stop the tears. Where the hell is my friend? I need her here, now – ASAP! I didn’t want to look at you again, but I did. Stupid me! I saw her smiling this time – she is really beautiful. Despite my blurry vision, I can see that you look good together. You look very happy.

     I guess you have finally found the one who truly fills you. How did you put it? “The one that makes me feel whole.” It’s just sad it wasn’t me. I am simply not “the one”.

     I need to leave this place. It’s suffocating me. I want to burst. I just can’t handle this – at least not yet. The man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with is getting married to someone else. I’m such a fool holding on to the glimmer of hope that there’s still a chance for us.

     I picked up my bag and went straight out of the door. As I walk out, I know I’m just not leaving the restaurant. I am also saying goodbye to you and all the sweet, sad memories. Our chapter has permanently ended. I want to tell myself I’m okay, but I know that’s a lie. I will be, though, in time.

     “Carla, I’m so sorry I have to call off our plans. I am not feeling well,” I said as I settled in a taxi. Then, I buried my face in my handkerchief, I needed to cry one last time.

± empress ±

The Rose

November 4th, 2006 by kiishyah

The Rose

     12 years ago, I was a rose lover. I collected anything that has rose on it. I planted pink, red and white roses at our garden. I was once called  ‘The Rose of Einstein’. Einstein was my section back then. Even though it has thorns and hurts me every time I hold on it, still, my love on roses couldn’t be helped.

     They said, love is like a rose. When you touch the thorns, it’ll give you a lot of pain. Just like love, when the person you love hurts you, it’ll give you pain. But the beauty of the rose makes you forget that the thorns can be painful and mean. Just like love, looking at the person you really love makes you forget that painful feeling you’re feeling inside.

    I’ve felt love many times. Different guys. Different kinds of roses. Different pains. The last person I remembered falling in love was Leon. The first time I saw him, I told myself ‘he’s the one’. Or was he? I was 16 when I first met him. He was so nice, so handsome, so smart. just everything. All girls were drooled over him. and I was one of the desperate girls who were waiting to be noticed. He was like a rose for me. A beautiful rose. But as all rose has thorns, I was aware that he has thorns too that may cause pain at me.

     It was a hot Monday morning. I went to school to pass my enrolment form. I was standing at the registrar’s office when I thought I saw Edward standing at the doorway.

I went to the doorway. I still got something for him. He’s such a jerk! I picked a small stone ready to throw at him.

“Ouch.”

     I heard someone said ouch. I silently walked away from him. Harhar.

“Excuse me, why did you throw that stone at me?” he asked.

     Then and there, I suddenly realized that he wasn’t Edward.

“I’m really sorry. I thought you’re Edward and..” I was surprised to see my ultimate crush and also ashamed that I threw a stone at him. Oh snap. I ruined my life.

“Edward? You mean Edward Cho?”

“Yeah. H-how did you know him?” I nervously asked.

“Well yeah. He’s my team mate at soccer.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m really sorry again.” I bowed at him and went my way.

     But before I could step my first step away from him, I heard his voice again questioning me.

“May I have your name please?” I felt my face blushed.

“Oh. I’m Hailey.”

“Hailey. I’m Leon.” He said smiling.

“Of course I know you!” I excitedly said.

“What?” he asked in surprise.

“I mean. Yeah. You’re a hearthrob and.. you know..”

“I’m not.”

“You are.” I said.

“Well..”

“Gotta go..bye. see ya around.” I said as I wave goodbye to him.

     I went my way blushing and telling myself that this day is my lucky day. Can you believe it?! The hearth rob Leon Park talked to a mere girl like me, Hailey Jung. After a week or so, classes started. I was surprised at what he was acting. Every morning, he’ll say hi to me or bring my books or treat me to lunch or do my home works. I was very happy at what he was doing. I found myself liking him much more. Or maybe, its better to say that I found myself falling in love with him. Days passed, months passed.. and he was still the same. But he never opened any topic about entering a relationship.

“Hailey!”

“Yes?”

“Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Yeah sure..”

“You see.. aren’t you..uhmm..aren’t you surpr..”

     Before he could finish what he was saying, the bell rang.

“Well, juz see ya around.” He said and ran across the corridor.

     I asked myself, what the hell was he trying to say? Oh well, see him around.

“Sure..”

     I was very excited after he texted me that I should meet him after class at Windon’s. I directly went there leaving my chores at the room. When I arrived at the said restaurant, I saw him sitting at the side of the glass window. I hurriedly went there. He stood up and got the chair for me.

“Thank you.” I said smiling sweetly.

     I saw a rose at the table. A red, white and pink rose. My smile widened. He saw that my gaze were at the roses.

“For you.”

“Thank you so much. I really love roses.”

“I know. That’s where you got the name ‘The Rose of Einstein’ right?”

“Oh.” I blushed.

“I hope that these roses will make you happy and will always make you remember a person named Leon Park.” He said as I was laughing.

“Of course.”

“I’ll go straight to the point.” He breathed deeply before he said the things that made my heart pounded fast. “Can you help me with Cathy Yun?” 

    

     My eyes widened. I felt my heart pounded. Fast and loud. I felt my heart was breaking into pieces. I felt great pain. I remembered the thorns of roses. Another pain filled my heart. I felt my tears forming at my brown, chinky eyes.

“Of-of course. No problem.” I said as I stopped the tears in flowing.

“Thanks Hailey! You’re the best.”

“No problem.” I said smiling.

“Are-are you alright?”

“Of course.” I said as I wiped the tears that flowed at my face.

“But..you’re crying..”

“I’m just happy.”

     Until now, that day couldn’t still be erased at my mind. Until now, the pain’s still at my heart. Until now, the love I had for rose was turned into hatred. Until now, the roses he gave me were still at the box I’m treasuring. Looking at the two of them standing at the front of the altar, saying I dos to each other, holding a rose, gives me pain at the heart. But what can I do? They were made for each other. It was 15 years ago that my, his, and her story started.. until now..

     After the ceremony, I gave him my gift. A gift that I know he’ll treasure forever. A gift that will make him remember me and that day. I gave him the red, white and pink roses that he gave me 15 years ago. Looking at the beauty of the rose makes you happy.. just like looking at the person you love that’s very happy with the person he loves makes you happy and hurt. I wish them the best. Until then, time will only tell, if my love for roses will be restored.

± empress ±

      

A Superstat’s Story

November 4th, 2006 by kiishyah

Superstar’s Story

  Sarah Jacobs was the face of tabloids, front pages and other teen-ager’s magazines. She was perfect – pretty, famous, rich, brains and a big heart. She was the hottest girl in the showbiz industry. Sarah Jacobs couldn’t ask for more. Her latest movie was a blockbuster hit and her love team was the most sweetest, hottest and most promising.

     Jake Adams was her partner. Just like her. He was perfect. He was the dance floor king, singing sensation, matinee idol, runway favorite and the ruling prince of commercials. Their combination was perfect. He was always there wherever she was. He was always there for her.

     Many journalists and paparazzi asked them if there will be a chance to take their partnership into some higher level, but both will answer the same.

“We’re still young for a relationship. Work is work. No personal things attached.”

     And all people will have the same reactions. Not until that day. Sarah discovered something that she knew she’ll regret someday and would maker her wish that she hadn’t felt it.

“Hey, Sar. Wazzup?” Jake asked while they were on a taping set for their new tv show.

“Nothin much.” She smiled as she drinks her bottle of water.

“You look cracked.”

“Oh Jake. Will you just go and leave me alone?”

“If that’s what you want.”

     She was always like that when they’re off the camera.

“So Sarah and Jake, what will happen with the two of you at the future?” a reporter asked at the red carpet.

“Well, maybe we’ll have more projects to come, or maybe we’ll just sit in our houses and watch tv.” Sarah laughed at what she had said.

“Yeah, I agree with Sarah.” So did Jake and the reporters.

“What I mean is, is there a future with the both of you -  “together”?

“(laughs) We’re still too young for that..but we’ll see. After all, we, two aren’t committed to anyone. Right  Sarah?”

“Yeah.” She smiled.

     They waved to their fans and went directly inside. Sarah, as expected, got many awards and so did Jake.

“Really, Sarah. I think you have a big problem. Let me help you.”

“Nobody can help me. Except myself.” She said as tears formed in her eyes.

“No. I’m here. I’m always here for you.”

“No you’re not. You’re just here for me, because you don’t want these things to disappear.”

“No. With or without you, I can reach these. I can have all these. I care about you Sarah. We’re together for almost 2 years. And you always say whatever you have inside. Why’s this?”

“Because you won’t understand. You won’t Jake. You won’t.”

“How would I understand if you’d never tell me? Just try me Sarah. Just try me.”

     Tears were streaming her eyes now. She ran away from him. All the crews and staffs tried to catch up with her, so did Jake. But she was fast to get inside the car and start the engine.

     When she reached the place where she knew she could just cry out loud and just let out whatever she feels. She stood at the front of the wall and shouted.

“I love you! Why can’t you understand it!? I want you to be sweet to me not because of that stupid love team. But because you really want to. I want you to kiss me because you feel something not only because it’s in the script!! What’s wrong with you Jake Adams?! Why can’t you feel it?!”

    She sat on her knees. Buried her face at her hands. She can’t drive home. Her eyes are wet. She can’t see things well. Her vision was blurry. She went inside her car and called her best friend Lindsay. Lindsay, just like her, is a super teen star. She was out partying when she heard her phone rang. She hurriedly picked it up when she saw Sarah’s name at the screen. She knew that when Sarah’s the one who calls her, she needs her in something. She went to the place and drove the car for her. When she was sure that Sarah will be fine at her apartment, she went away and went back to her own.

“Where the hell are you?!” the director asked when Sarah phoned him. They we’re waiting for her for almost 3 hours.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t do it. I really needed some space. I’ll be gone for long and..”

“What’s the matter Sarah?”

“I’m sorry Director Pinsky.”

“Guess we’ll have to find another for your role.”

“Thanks.”

     After she put the phone down. She felt a little shiver at her body. Is this what she really wanted? But this is the only way to forget him. She went into some place where she knew she can clear her mind and heart. She hopes so. She already instructed the crews and staffs of the resort that no paparazzi are allowed. She’ll pay for everything. The resort should make the customer feel relaxed and enjoyed.

     It was almost one month since she decided to take some break. Her TV show was off. She watched all those interviews with Jake, asking him where she is. And Jake would always have some excuse to keep the truth. How she missed him. And there, she saw the new girl that will replace her at her former TV show.

“She’s pretty.” She said to herself.

     She thinks that the new girl is getting along with Jake and it hurts more to see it. She never watched television again. Instead, she just soaks herself at the beach, enjoying the scenery.  She never saw the exclusive interview about her with Jake.

“Yes. I’ll find her. I will. And when I do, I’ll tell her what I feel.”

     On Jake’s part, he doesn’t know where to start looking for her. He must find her. Until that day. It was his birthday. He went to the church and prayed to God that He will answer his prayer for almost two months already. He drove his car and went to buy a cake for himself. He missed her. His last year’s birthday, Sarah gave him a cake and surprised him with balloons and other things. She always surprises him. And that’s one of the reasons why he fell in love with her. As he waited at the cake to be prepared he watched at the TV near the counter. He saw Sarah walking down the aisle at a resort. He doesn’t know but he’s sure that resort is a really familiar one.

      He got the cake and went directly at his car. He sped away going to that place. When he reached that place, the staffs recognized him. They were busy asking him to have them his autograph. But he went to the manager’s office and asked him to reveal Sarah’s room number. The manager was overwhelmed at what the teen star wanted to do. He gave Sarah’s room number. But when they opened it, nobody’s there. He saw Sarah sitting at the shore under the coconut tree. He told the manager not to follow or disturb them.

     He went up to her and sat beside her.

“I was afraid I won’t find you.” Jake said as he joined her at the shore.

“How did you know I’m here?” the shock on Sarah’s face was obvious.

“Because I believe that love conquers all.” He smiled.

“What do you mean?” she was puzzled.

“Because I love you.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Do you think so?”

     Sarah smiled at what Jake said. Suddenly, Jake comes closer to her. He look at her straight in the eyes and their lips met. It was amazing, sweet and shaking.

“I told you, I love you. I maybe an actor at the TV, but I’ll always be honest to the person I love.”

“Oh Jake..” she hugged him.

     The next day they we’re on TV again. And this time, its for real. Not just a love team, but because they were in love with each other. In which they do, until now. How do I know? Because I’m the actress of that story.

“Sarah Jacobs, signing off.”

“Cut! Nice one Sarah.”

“Thanks.” I smiled.

     I saw Jake smiling at the corner. I went into his side and he hugged me like he’ll never let go of me. That’s when I said to myself again.

      ‘Yeah right. I couldn’t ask for more.’

± empress ±

Leukemia

November 4th, 2006 by kiishyah

Leukemia

± empress ±

     She was my best-est friend in the whole wide world. She was everything to me. She was perfect. She was a gem. She was a diamond. She was everything.

     I met her at a kindergarten school beside our house. She was this pale girl who plays with her Barbie dolls and sits away from us. I was her exact opposite. I was an active girl when I was little and would always play at recess time. It was a rainy day when I started getting to know her. We couldn’t play outside, so we have to stay at the canteen and eat our recess foods. I was alone at my table when she asked me if she could sit beside me. I said yes. Definitely. She opened her lunch box and started to munch on her foods. I looked at her as she was eating. She’s so pale. Her nails are bruised and color purple. What came up to my mind was that she was abused by her mother or whoever it was.

     I started to like her. We became a common figure at the school. If they see me without her, they would ask where she is and vice versa. She was just so nice. Then a day came that became a life changing. We we’re walking down the aisle when she fell unconscious. I ran for help at my teachers. She was sent to the clinic, but the clinic’s nurse suggested that she should be rushed into the hospital. I wanted to go with her but my “sundo” came over to fetch me. I didn’t have time to visit her at the hospital. My grandmother brought me to Cebu City to spend my elementary life there. I didn’t bid goodbye to her nor had the chance to talk to her or to know how she’s doing. But my Mother said, that I’ll be spending my vacation at Bacolod City. We saw each other every vacation and would always make our vacation memorable. She had this hobby that she would look at me straight in the eyes and would cry or act like she’s going to leave me.

     I would always laugh at her and would always answer the same thing.

     “You’re not going to die. God loves you. And you’re too young to have leukemia. Don’t joke me like that. It’s not nice you know.”

     Then she would answer me that its really true and she wasn’t joking around. But I really didn’t take it seriously. She was so young to die. We we’re in third grade when I heard the news she went to the States to have her chemotherapy. I don’t know what’s chemotherapy by then. I hadn’t heard anything from her then on. But deep inside my heart, I was still hoping that she’ll come back here in the Philippines soon. I was in vacation at Seoul when the news reached me. My mother phoned me that Annabelle died already. I was at shock. That couldn’t be true. She was just touring the States. She couldn’t be dead. We hadn’t talk yet. I really couldn’t believe what my Mom was saying. But she reassured me that its really true. Tears were streaming down my eyes. My best friend. Is. Dead. How can that be?  No way! She can’t be dead. Before I went to my bed, I prayed to God that wherever she was, God will protect her. The worst thing was, I hadn’t got the chance to talk to her before she died. Until now, I still bear the burden of losing a nice friend. Of losing such a wonderful gift of God. But I am still thankful, that once in my life, I met someone like her. Annabelle, was truly everything. She may be gone, but the memories she shared with me will always be alive. Deep inside my heart.

Rest in Peace my dear Annabelle.

The Issue Of Virginity

November 4th, 2006 by kiishyah

The Issue of Virginity

     Maria Clara is dead. And women have changed and continue to change. We are in the 20th century and transformations in their acts and convictions are expected. All throughout the world, women have learned to empower themselves.

     Although we are in what we call “modern” times, there’s still an issue that many still debate over. In the past, it is regarded as extremely important, but as society changed, perceptions about the matter also became different. This is the issue of virginity.

     According to some people, many of the Filipino girls still hold conservative attitudes towards virginity and premarital sex.

     Filipinos are wary of getting into sexual relationships because of the fact that the Filipino society still puts such a high premium on virginity. Virgins are considered as pure and clean while non virgins are belittled.

     Many non virgins choose not to admit that they have had sexual relationships because they will be branded as “pokpok” or easy lay, “laspag” or worn out due to sexual overuse, “kiri or landi” which means slut and other derogatory names.

     Many of the men want to marry a virgin woman and non virgin are left alone wondering how their husbands will accept the fact that there’s a man before them.

Just an inquiry: why does the society glorify men who sleep around and degrade women who do the same? And all of us say we advocate equality!

     If you think that non virgins are the only ones who are subjected o embarrassment, then you are making a big mistake. The stigma goes to both ways.

     True, society urges women to stay chaste until their wedding day. However, other social factors affect their sexual behavior.

     Simply look at the idols of the current generation and you will see that sexual liberation is at its peak. Everyday sex is discussed on TV, print and radio. Whether we admit it or not, the once hush-hush issue is now a very common topic.

     Whether they stick to the moral standards set by society by being a virgin or break the norms by giving it up early, Filipino women will be subjected to stereotypes.      If they give it up to a guy whom they aren’t sure they’ll end up with but love nevertheless, they will be called sluts. If they choose to give importance to traditions and conventions, they will be called prudes.

     Staying a virgin does not assure women that the person they will marry will be loyal to them. That “piece of flesh” or badge of chastity does not assure a successful marriage.

     On the other side, giving it up to someone before marriage can not also assure them that the guy will eventually marry them. It doesn’t also mean that when they give it up, the guy will love them even more.

     In the end, virginity shouldn’t be based on what other people think or feel is right. It should be a personal choice. It should always be the women’s choice. It is both a privilege and a responsibility.

     So let women decide on their own. If they fail, they will suffer the consequences, that’s true, they will find a way to survive. This is simply because the women of today have been educated and prepared to deal with life. Like age-old beliefs and perspectives, virginity should never ever be imposed.

Grow Old With Who?

October 25th, 2006 by kiishyah

I don’t think I can marry a guy who will love me for who I am. Arggghh! I still got no boyfriend. What’s wrong with me? Oh well, Im not in a hurry though. Its just that.. well.. I dunno.

Eneweiz, Ive been liking this guy for like a month already. He said he likes me too. I don’t know why he wouldn’t court me. (I didn’t ask something like that, my friend did) So there, he told my friend that he thinks he’s not enough for me (blah blah blah) I don’t really care.

Hate Mom. She always criticize me.What’s wrong with her? Even the boys I’m with. Even tho they’re just my friends, she always have this accusation prepared. I couldn’t find a better guy. I couldn’t. Im afraid she will say this and that to him. She really thinks her kid is pretty ( IM not, ryt?)… of course, she’s my Mom, mothers love their children, for them, their children are the prettiest. Maybe she’s just another Mom. I don’t get it.

Ima  *grow* old without a *hubby*

Life Sucks

September 24th, 2006 by kiishyah

*checks my pulse*

tap..tap..tap..tap..tap…

*whew*

yup, glad to know that i’m still up. And yeah, my life sucks nowadays. Wazzup with me?

I joined the CAT(for someone who doesn’t know what the hell CAT means, Citizenship Advancement Training).

It could kill me, break my bones into pieces and poke my eyes out. I wanna quit, but I couldn’t. I still got some under my sleeves. I’m not yet finished in making them realize that I’m not what they think I am. Now, what’s gotten into my head anyway? I mean, i don’t really make a big deal in what they think about me. Yeah, I’m a nerd. So what? As what Nathalie Portman said, "its better to be smart than be a movie star."

I just want to widen my knowledge by surfin the net and studying hard. Why can’t they understand it? Oh well, what can you expect?

So, how did the CAT training got up in moi bein a nerd? LOL.

My body aches. HUHU. And yeah, i drank a pain reliever and bought some salon paz. LOL. (is the spelling ryt?)

Hmmm, could you post some comments here? I’m really pissed off.

Leadership Training

August 5th, 2006 by kiishyah

woah.

leadership training at davao last july 27-29 was a blast.

i met some new friends and got to share my ideas with the other people.

i wanna experience those things again by the next year.

it was fun and boring at the same time.

we slept at 11 pm and should wake up at 6 am.

my friends and the other people in the school na hindi ko naman masyadong kakilala became close with me.

another way of bonding.

haha.

we slept at somewhat like a dorm and learned many things about each other.

for e.g.

beulah - she talks when she sleeps. (lol)

alexa - she sleeps very late and waste her time on txting her bf? (naks)

yrmae - she doesn’t care if her tummy will be exposed to us. (its quite big ; she’s fat)

hazel - she snores. haha.

and me? well, they told me, i don’t move when i’m sleeping. i stay up with one position till morning.

they asked? doesn’t your body hurt? you stayed up that way all night.

Hahaha.

nature girl.. haha!!

so till here.

ciao.

She’s the Man

May 7th, 2006 by kiishyah

i watched "she’s the man" last month.. hehe..

last month ago.. nyahahah… ngayon lang ako ng post..

duh!!

nyehehe.. i was carried away by the movie..

both funny and dramatic..

hehe.. the guy is sooooooo cute and sooooooooo macho..

i fell in love with him at once!! harhar..

anyweiz, next tym naman, tinatamad na naman ako..

cant wait for the movies:

xmen 3

da vinci code

superman returns..

wahtever!!

I’ll always wait for you..

March 13th, 2006 by kiishyah

why am i feeling this intense pain?

You promised that you’re willing to wait for me..

but where are you now?

I don’t know what to say or do..

is it really worth to wait for you? you know i’ll always do.. but you’re with another girl whom i never thought you’ll be with..

what happened? is my presence still not enough? oh yeah.. because im miles apart from you..

but you promised..right?

                and i still hope for it..

                             i know deep inside my heart…

that someday..

              we’ll see each other…..

                                    fulfill that stupid promise…..

    

  and then i’ll know…

                      

                       i’m meant for you..and you’re meant for me…

i’ll still wait..

                i’ll always do…

               

                                                and someday……..

our paths will cross……..

                                   someday…